Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
third nipple confirmed
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
