it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize