At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
