There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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