What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
