the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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