Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
