you would pick up someone in the library
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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