Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
