i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
