dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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