Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i think i just lost a toe
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
