remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
ttyl tear gas
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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