youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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