What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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