I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
