It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
honey bunches of taint.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
