I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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