So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
