My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
