I think my fart just growled at me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
