Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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