pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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