Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
