please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
they need to just BURY HIM!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
