i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
