I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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