Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
