Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
