Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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