you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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