I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
