i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
