you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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