I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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