I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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