Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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