I want to have your abortion
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
