so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
