Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize