Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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