You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
