i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
