They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
