dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we're making bets on your personal life
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize