You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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