i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
