My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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