i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
