Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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