It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
