I need help removing her.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We had to coat check the pizza.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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