come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
