Define "chronic" masturbator.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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