I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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