I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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