just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
