so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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