so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I am one with the molecules
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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