I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
