A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
