actually, I'm a sock model
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
