I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
