I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
