Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
