I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This is classic penis vs brain.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
