I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize