i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
