OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
