A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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